Those friends whom you can barf out all the words you’ve been holding in onto.

They show me God. They speak God’s words.

I am so thankful for these people in my life, but prayer with all that I can muster for a consistency. I am done with little glimmers of relationships. I am exhausted with pouring out my soul and innards, and frustrated with a one-way confidence.

Today I miss Australia.

It is a funny feeling.

Empty, kind of.

 

Looking at photos from the semester kind of feels like memories of a good dream. Deja vu, kind of.

You know when people ask you,

“If you could have a dinner party with anyone in the world, dead or alive, would it be?”? [double ?'s necessary here...fancy]

Here is that list:

Donald Miller

Anne Lamott

Maya Angelou

Meryl Streep

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Ellen Degeneres

Laura Linney

Tina Fey

Beyonce

John & Joan Cusack

David & Amy Sedaris

MLK Jr.

Cate Blanchett

Alphonse Mucha

Tennessee Williams

Jack Kerouac

Anis Mojgani

& The Queen Mum

But of course, I was thinking about the happenstance that this dinner party were a reality. Where would it be? What would we eat? Why are all these beautiful, influential people at the same party? And why in the hell was I invited?

I decided that I would invite a few extra people to share in the festivities and to feel a bit more comfortable:

Cyndi Kimmel

Jordan Beanblossom

Annaliese Anderson

Erik Naydiuk

Natalie Gardner

 

humans are funny creatures, ya know?

He pushes the boundaries of the institution,

Lying in the thick, itchy blades of grass,

Surrounded by ashes & thoughts, questions & stars.

He inhales often & exhales occasionally.

He perpetually keeps hearing the question

“Who is your God?”

“Who is your God?”

 

He wants to answer,

“Well, you are, of course.”

That is too easy to speak,

But not true enough.

 

Where does his loyalty truly lie?

 

 

fresh air

a fresh start to a new way of living.

a familiar culture & comforting faces.

nights full of brew & ashes.

mornings spent wakin’ up to my best friend.

new confusing relationships stir around me.

where do i fit? where do i go?

am i a child of this land or the other?

the Father gives & takes

& heals & breaks.

a dot. a speck. a freckle

on the large visage of time.

what am i to do?

we went out back.

i apologize that my posts have been few & far between.

i will try to summarize the past few weeks:

I got the job at Mcdonald’s. It is better than I expected. Friendly faces. Helpful bosses. I work the register. It is taboo at home to say you work at McDonald’s. But at $16.80/hour, I will gladly advertise that I work for this corporate monster. My shifts are short & fast paced. I often have a hard time understanding the Australian accents & say, “Sorry I’m new & American,” & they are always very forgiving.

So now for the more interesting part…THE OUTBACK.

It took us two days on a bus to travel there, but the travelling part was half the fun. We stayed in a town called Dubbo on the way. We were in a simple little motel where my friends Katrina, Rachel & Kristin & I made a blankfort & shared embarassing stories. Early the next morning we were back on the bumpy, dirty road. The “True Grit” Soundtrack is a perfect accompaniment to bumpy, dirty travels.

We finally made it to Trilby Station (http://www.trilbystation.com.au/). It was not what we were expecting. It was absolutely wonderful, but not what we were expecting. We expected to be surrounded by red dirt with maybe a building or two to eat, but Trilby Station has many accommodations & nice facilities. We were surrounded by shrubbery & dirty rivers & billabongs. We had 300,000 acres to explore. I was in paradise.

Our first night was beautiful. The heat, smell & smoke of the campfire was intoxicating & comforting. Fire does something to people. It evokes emotions & words that would not otherwise be expressed in an ordinary setting. Our director Kimberly had 3 rocks for us to pass around. Anyone who cared to could take the 3 rocks & share 3 things that the group might not know about them but perhaps should. She told us that we would do some that night & then save the rest for the other nights. The momentum of the stories filled with many tears & many laughs led all 30 people around the fire to share until the late hours of the night. For the first time all semester, we felt united, like a family. For the first time all semester, I saw people become human. We followed that with most of us sleeping out under the largest, most decorated night sky I’d ever seen. Aubrey, Sarah, Liisa & I shared a time of awe under the stars. Sarah sang a lullaby that she sings to her campers when she is a camp counselor. It was peace.

The remainder of the days spent out back, we explored, climbed, adventured, canoed, wondered, communed, laughed, cried, played, sang, prayed & felt connected. That week was the turning point in this semester. It was the Lord “alluring me, bringing me into the wilderness & speaking tenderly to me” (Hosea 2). He brought me to an environment, an element that I felt more comfortable & free in. He was holding me & whispering “You can do this, Aaron. You’ll make it the rest of the way. No worries, mate. All is love.

rugged & dirty river

the land is dry & thirsty, just as her people are.

300,000 acresilluminatefly away.master architectthe lizard, he dried up. he needs something more.

Canberra

4 hour drive to get to the capital city of Australia.

We left around 6:30am, so most everyone slept the entire way.

I didn’t want to miss the scenery though.

So I say with my music on & my head against the window

Looking for kangaroos & enjoying God’s creation.

I tried to think about it land before the “white fellas” took over.

I imagined the nomadic Aborigine families hunting & storytelling

& dreaming & communing in their red land.

I found that Sigur Ros is beautiful soundtrack for my imagination.

My fantasies were cut short by a stop at McDonald’s.

The irony is unbearable.

We continued on our journey with a visit to a town called Bundanoon.

Australia’s first “Bottled-Water-Free Town”.

A lady gave us a presentation on how & why they decided to

Take on the endeavor.

It was very inspiring & made me consider trying something similar.

Their community worked together to make it possible.

How beautiful to see loving people get together

To change something they care about.

It made me wonder why so many church communities fail.

We arrived in Canberra & the scenery was rather anticlimactic.

Our first visit was the Parliament building.

I was surprised the find Canberra’s arcitecture very plain.

The politics however were contrary to the buildings.

We sat in on a Senate hearing about internet prices.

One Senator yelled and insulted another & talked to us, the audience.

It was invigorating.

We juxtaposed that visit with some time at the Aboriginal Tent Embassy.

A solemn protesting Aborigines living in a tent community outside Parliament.

All around were signs that cried for justice.

The biggest simply saying, “Sovereignty”.

An “eternal flame” was lit in the middle to pay homage to the oppressed.

We met a woman names Aunty Jude.

A heavier set Aborigine woman

Beautiful with age & wisdom.

She had sadness & anxiety in her eyes & demeanor.

She had just got out of a court hearing for her 2 sons.

Aunty Jude took time to sit & share with us

About the oppression of her people.

Her voice cracked & her eyes welled with tears

As she expressed her desire for equality & respect.

She told us to close our eyes as we listened to the song

“Talkin’ ‘Bout A Revolution” by Tracy Chapman.

A song I’ve heard many times but failed to capture the meaning.

My heart aches for these “orphans & widows”.

I have yet to discover what I am to do about this hurting nation.

The next day we got explore the National Portrait Gallery,

An art museum with hundreds of beautifully crafted portraits of

Influential Australian people.

It was so refreshing being able to dwell in a place of beauty

& intellectually discuss the pieces with my friend Liisa.

The last portrait was a digital video portrait of one my

Favorite actresses, Cate Blanchett.

Her beauty radiated in the captivating portrait.

She explain what it means to her to be an artist

& study different characters.

Finally someone I could identify with.

We also visited the National Gallery,

A vast art gallery filled with hundreds of famous original pieces.

I saw originial Monets, Bacons, Warhols, Picassos, Matisses, Nolans, etc.

Again, soul-refreshing.

I was almost brought to tears as I stared at the large Monet piece,

Thinking about how much I studied his work in Mrs. Knoll’s

Art classes & how influential he has been in my artistic journey.

It was hard though.

The insensitivity of my peers took a toll on me.

Art is a culture I identified with.

A culture in which I find community.

Hearing the complaints, misguided critiques, & sarcastic jokes

About beautiful works of art really hurt.

I felt a mild form of cultural offence.

It gave me a small germ of understanding of what my

Aboriginal brothers & sisters deal with every day.

We ended our time at the ANZAC War Memorial.

Another heart-wrenching place.

It was a beautiful homage to brave men & women

Who are in or have been in the service.

It had two giant walls filled with names & red poppies,

Very similar to our Vietnam Memorial.

It was solemn, yet beautiful.

The lack of respect some of my peers showed

Was rather embarrassing & sad though.

I am learning love & patience in a whole new way.

All in all though, Canberra was a success.

As hard as it was, it opened my eyes & heart to a lot of truths.

& we saw our first kangaroos on the way back